My twitter Story

I was having a DM conversation on twitter with @twbrit earlier today. We were trying to figure out Mac fanboy/girls. We didn’t make much headway because we just don’t get it. You get it, or you don’t and I don’t. The thing is; I may not get why those rabid apple addicts love their computer crack but I generally don’t twist it into something sinister.

This blog’s called all-a-twitter because micro blogging isn’t always enough. It’s meant to expand on conversations I have on twitter and basically give me a place to say something more complex more completely. However, this particular post is actually going to be about twitter.

Tonight, after taking my medicine I was a little wired and went downstairs to watch one of the many TV shows I’ve had mothballing on my DVR. This one was a Criminal Minds episode in which the crazy killer stalks people through social networking websites like Facebook and twitter and the episode soon turned into yet another diatribe against social networking.

One character described a person with over a thousand followers and likened being on twitter to “e-mail on crack”, saying it was impossible to keep up with the number of followers one acquired. Another character, a grieving mother of a slain woman, described a scenario in which her daughter communicated so much through social networking that she didn’t have time for real conversations with her family.

(BTW, Really? I’m seriously going to be so into twitter that I don’t actually talk to my family anymore? People are BUYING THIS CRAP?) *sigh* Okay, moving on…

The clincher seemed to be that the mother learned of her daughter's promotion through a third party and when mommy dearest angrily reproached her about it she was met only with an incredulous, “I posted it on my wall a week ago.”

Facebook and twitter were consistently portrayed in this episode, and in almost every other popular portrayal I’ve seen, as indicative of severe narcissism. Tweets presented were not poignant or political messages such as “If Iran sleeps tonight, It will sleep forever.” The three examples were “Sushi for lunch. Yum.” “Boss making me stay late. Grrr.” And then later a soon-to-be-victim posted a picture of a scone she was about to eat with a caption like, “Scone. Yummy.”

The main characters asked questions like, “How could you possibly think you are so interesting that people want to know what you’re eating?” Forever circling back to the whole portrayal of people involved in social networking, primarily twitter users, as narcissists.

This is just really, really starting to IRK me.

Today I found out that a person I’ve been dealing with in person for the last five months really doesn’t care at all about me. I’m not entirely convinced after today that she even remotely likes me. I believed we’d developed an informal connection into an acquaintance and, further, into a friendship. I was wrong, well, half-wrong. I genuinely liked her and thought of her as a friend. However, she doesn’t feel that way about me but because she needed something from me, she maintained a pretense.

I like twitter, not because I think I’m so amazing and everyone wants to know every little thing about me but because I’m pretty sure I’m not and they don't.

I don’t expect to be admired or exalted because I love the Tofu & Veggie Teriyaki at PeiWei Asian Diner. I won’t tweet how much I enjoy it because I think that somehow makes me awesome and everyone is terribly interested in what I’m eating. If I tweet something like that, I’m doing it because I’m trying to expose myself as completely as I am capable of reasonably doing and hoping that someone else feels the same way.

It’s never easy to do that, even on the internet. Internet rejection hurts too. But it’s not nearly as painful as what I went through today. Real life rejection is much harder to shake off, even though, honestly, I know a lot of my tweet peeps better than this ‘real life’ girl.

The internet has a long history of duplicity. Part of the appeal for some people was hiding themselves; the idea that “you can be whoever you want on the internet” is a long standing concept. In a past conversation with tweet peep @tylermassey he said something that stuck with me. He said, “No one can pull off being fake on twitter for too long. Eventually, the real you seeps in.”

THAT’s what appeals to me about twitter. I’m genuine. The majority of the people to whom I tweet are genuine. In fact, I’m usually much more candid and real on twitter than I am with the people around me. Why? Because I’m STUCK with the people around me. I have to work with them. I have to deal with them on holidays. I have to answer to them in some way, shape or form that can have minor or extreme consequences.

On twitter, it’s easier. Someone thinks you’re boring? They leave…and most of the time you don’t even notice. People leave because you post too much or not enough or you’re just not who they thought you were when they first stumbled onto your feed. The vast majority of the time, that’s fine and dandy.

The only time it’s apt to matter, it’s not going to happen that way. The only time I'd care if someone stopped following me is if we'd started actually conversing with each other and gotten to know each other. I've never had someone like that just stop following me without any explanation. See, there are relationships on twitter that develop. I have people I consider friends.

Today when the real world was whooping up on me six ways to Sunday I posted something on twitter and @sjoes, a truly amazing and inspiring person just the way she is (thank you very much), posted a reply that genuinely made me feel better. She’s good at that. Why didn’t I call my Mom? I did. She didn’t answer. I called my sister too, she also didn’t answer. I was hurt and needed to tell someone and typing it to the void in the vague hope that maybe someone out there gave a crap was better than nothing.

When I was stuck in a undeniably ugly, somewhat scary and deeply depressing ER room by myself, I tweeted a picture because it made me feel less alone. Was twitter a substitute for my husband? No, but he wasn’t there at the time. Twitter is always on and chances are that there is someone out there who might care that you’re scared and alone.

I know so much more about @sjoes than I do the ‘real world’ person who hurt me today. Strangely, I don’t know a lot of the important BIG things. I know simple little things about her, the mundane.

There’s a scene in Good Will Hunting where Robin Williams’ character explains that love isn’t always knowing all the milestones in a person’s life but knowing all the details; the odd twists and idiosyncrasies that make all of us the truly unique and strange INDIVIDUALS we are. He said:

“People call these imperfections but they’re not, ah, that’s the good stuff. And then we get to choose who we let into our weird little worlds. You’re not perfect, Sport. And let me save you the suspense, this girl you met? She isn’t perfect either. But the question is whether or not you’re perfect for each other?”

I can’t speak for everyone on twitter but I know that for me, it’s not about people hanging on my every word. It’s not about trying to impress people. It’s about being intimate without the bone crushing, soul squishing fear of rejection because if you find those people who also may have forgotten how much they like pickles and get to talking to them and find out that you enjoy each other’s ‘weird little worlds’ that’s a friendship that is more pure than most you will find in the ‘real world’.