Controversy Concerning Contraception

There seem to be a lot of people in the Christian community (Hi! Christian Community!) who pitch holy fits (literally) when you suggest teaching kids to wear condoms if they have sex.

In the tradition of Forest Gump, I have something to say about that. You can sit here on the bench with me and listen for a bit or you can walk off. It won't hurt my ...

Hey! Get back here! I didn't actually MEAN that.

Okay, the main arguments that I've heard on both sides:

Pro-condom Expect Nothing Insulting Sourpusses or PENIS' say:

Kids are going to have sex. That's all there is to it. They can't expect to be taught to abstain, it's beyond them. Teach them to be responsible about protecting themselves when, as is inevitable, they have sex.

Teachers Only of Abstaining Sex Text Sourpusses or TOASTS say:

If you teach kids to protect themselves, you are teaching them that you expect them to have sex and reinforce the idea. Because, of course, kids are idiots who can't be expected to entertain a thought without accepting it.

My acronyms might have given away the fact that I don't really think much of either approach.

Hang on tight folks! We're heading to memory lane:

Many, many moons ago when I was but a child my mother took me to the drug store and humiliated me. Actually, she's done that many, many times, some of them not so many moons ago but never mind about the incident of the facial hair bleach that must not be mentioned. [shudder]

No, I'm talking about when my Mom took me to the contraception counter smorgasbord and not only showed me everything on it but talked in excruciating detail at a completely unacceptable volume about exactly what each device, cream and foam did. [double shudder]

This was part of my Mom's promise ring program (It's not a MMORPG, it's a MOMPRG!). You've heard of promise rings, right? Hmm. No Jonas brothers fans then.

Okay, a promise ring is a ring you wear to show you have already made a commitment to your future spouse. Talk about marriage being for a lifetime. Basically, you pledge to remain a virgin until married.

Now, my Mom didn't show up one day with a ring and say, "You don't wanna be a slut, right? Put this ring on and promise me, as God is your witness, that you won't do dirty things with dirty boys. PROMISE!!!"

That would have been disturbing.

What she did do is take me out to lunch every day for a week. (Can I just say for a kid that is AWESOME!?!) At lunch she talked about sex...a lot.

She talked about how wonderful it was and how much she enjoyed it (and honestly, I didn't need to hear that part). She talked about how hormones generally try to hijack your life as a teen. She talked about her views on sex. She talked about how sex was presented in the Bible (Psst! The Song of Solomon is just filthy!). She talked about pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases...with visual aides (once again, could have done without those).

She stressed that it was a deeply personal decision. She told me about the time she came very close to having sex as a teen and how she was almost instantly glad it hadn't happened. When it came to opinion she usually only gave it when I asked her directly.

The second to last lunch was the infamous drug store disaster. I don't think I've ever blushed that much before or after that incident and I once had the neck strings to my swimsuit come untied at a pool party. I never retied strings so fast in my life but several guys still picked me up and paraded around the pool with me over their heads while everyone else in attendance (and I do mean EVERYONE) patted by butt like it was a dang lucky charm. That was humiliating and yet the drug store disaster is still number one on my list of humiliating escapades.

Back to the POINT, when we walked out of that store I knew exactly what did what to whom, where, why and how. I knew that spermicidal foam protected against pregnancy but not against disease and that a condom protected against both disease and pregnancy. I learned that neither was fool proof and that Mom would personally prefer it if I just used every darn thing on the shelf.

I was given a night to sit and simmer over what we'd talked about that week. The next day, which was the last weekday and the last of our five lunches, my Mom asked me if I thought pledging to remain a virgin till marriage was something of which I thought I was capable. She stressed it wasn't a good idea to make a pledge I didn't think I could or didn't expect I could keep. She also said that she would respect my honesty with both her and myself if I said no.

I said yes. My Mom gave me a gold ring (stands for purity) with a little gold heart (stands for the promise to my future spouse) with a little silver cross inside (stands for my promise to God). She told me that if I ever, like she very nearly had, broke that promise it wasn't the end of the world (note the lack of judgment in the presentation? LOVE my Mom). She did, however, ask that I remember to use every last blessed thing on that shelf and to please take off the ring at that point.

I wore the ring until I replaced it with my engagement ring. I'll also say that my beautiful Hubby (mwah!) presented me with a lovely gold chain along with that engagement ring so that I could continue to wear my promise ring around my neck. How sweet is that? I mean, c'mon! He's just fabulous!

I've only ever had sex with my hubby and I really LOVE sex. I'm not going to try to conclude that the reason I have an extremely health sexual appetite is because I've only had the one partner. I CAN say that only ever having one partner doesn't seem to have hurt me.
I do think that my Mom did an excellent job of balancing the value of abstinence with the necessity of educating me against very real dangers and the equally real peer pressure and hormones with which kids must contend...or not as the case may be.

In THIS case I happen to think my Mama is right. Life is like a box of condoms: If you have sex without one, you never know what you're going to get.

And that's all I have to say about that.